Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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