are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Come on in and take your pants off
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