please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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