I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
