I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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