Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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