before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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