mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
