I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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