Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
