I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
