his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
