the condom got lost in my hair
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just puked most of my soul out..
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