singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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