He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
