Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
