I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
