I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every concussion has its silver lining
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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