i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize