I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
