he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
