you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
