guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Houston, we have a blender
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
