ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
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How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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