Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
