We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
