Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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