I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
