Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
