Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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