Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Randomize