Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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