So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
