Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
