i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
