So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize