my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
