so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
