My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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