I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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