At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
