Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
