One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
birth control should be required to get into college
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
