Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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