I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
