is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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