both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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