Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
