Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
