The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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