Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
