I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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