Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
