im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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