come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
