we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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