Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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