it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
