We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
