is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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