fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
