I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
