your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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