Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
